Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
