I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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