just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I look better un-naked...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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