ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Boobs speak an international language.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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