so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
