I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
