Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
