did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
