i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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