I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
