The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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