here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
