She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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