Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
