That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
