I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
