Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize