You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
