went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
