So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
