By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
