you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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