she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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