went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
