last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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