i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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