I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
