Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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