I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
