I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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