My hand turned me down
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
