duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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