I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we're so committed to being not committed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
