and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
