I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
