Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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