we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
