I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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