I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
