I should be sponsored by Trojan
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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