where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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