he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
