I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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