I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize