I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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