Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
