apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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