ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she peed on how many people?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
