Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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