my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
