when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
