he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
