I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
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morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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