summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
