Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
