In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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