i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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