I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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