I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Quick, to the slutcave!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
