How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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