I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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