I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize