I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10