So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
