Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it