Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.