You really coming over, don't trick.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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