I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.