Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize