You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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