This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
